RitchieWoman (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} ritchiewoman) wrote,@ 2004-08-11 00:41:00 |
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The Kid Turned on Me
Things were going so well for us, baby boy Ritchie. Sure, we had a rough start. I may have referred to you as "the parasite" or "the demon sucking out my will to live." You forced me into a diet of saltines and watermelon. You made me feel like shit warmed over with a side of crap on my best days, for three months.
But we made it through. We did it together. And recently, things have been great between us. I rub lotion on my belly - you kick me "thanks" in return. We're sleeping good, we're eating good. No problems.
Until today. What was up with you today, kid? First, you wanted Fritos. Fine. I gave you some Fritos. Then you began to crowd me. Things felt tight, uncomfortable. No problem - nothing a Gas-X can't fix.
And then we went shopping.
Peachy and I went to Whole Foods. You were good. We went to Bartell Drugs. Again, no problems.
Then we went to Starbucks and I got a DECAF grande misto, because supposedly caffiene is bad for you. But you're my kid, so I make sacrifices. One of many - and you will hear about every single one.
Mid-grande, we're at Dania checking out the modern furniture, and you start. I begin to feel hot, queasy, dizzy. Peachy and I hightail it to the car, passing on Metropolitan Market to head straight for home.
We didn't make it. 10 blocks away from my house, Peachy pulls over as I hold my hand over my mouth, not wanting to get any throw-up in her car. Luckily, I'm skilled at puking by now, thanks to you, and I manage to barf entirely outside the car.
You subjected me AND your Aunt Peach to vomit. Girls don't like vomit. Boys think it's funny - ha ha I'm gonna PUKE! BLEEEEAAACCCCHHHH! Yeah, that's a boy thing. Not a girl thing.
Your Aunt Peach was such a good friend and got me home pronto. And then, as you know, we promptly fell asleep for 2 hours.
Now I've got massive heartburn and your father won't go to the market for Haagen-Daaz vanilla ice cream, even though that's the only thing I want right now. Instead, I've had a dinner that consisted of fresh French bread and Tums.
Yummy.
So kid, sorry. But you're on the list again. You better straighten up by Friday, cuz I'm going with Peach and Mrs. Roboto for dim sum - and I want it to be a puke-free experience.
But I still love you.
xoxo Mom
Things were going so well for us, baby boy Ritchie. Sure, we had a rough start. I may have referred to you as "the parasite" or "the demon sucking out my will to live." You forced me into a diet of saltines and watermelon. You made me feel like shit warmed over with a side of crap on my best days, for three months.
But we made it through. We did it together. And recently, things have been great between us. I rub lotion on my belly - you kick me "thanks" in return. We're sleeping good, we're eating good. No problems.
Until today. What was up with you today, kid? First, you wanted Fritos. Fine. I gave you some Fritos. Then you began to crowd me. Things felt tight, uncomfortable. No problem - nothing a Gas-X can't fix.
And then we went shopping.
Peachy and I went to Whole Foods. You were good. We went to Bartell Drugs. Again, no problems.
Then we went to Starbucks and I got a DECAF grande misto, because supposedly caffiene is bad for you. But you're my kid, so I make sacrifices. One of many - and you will hear about every single one.
Mid-grande, we're at Dania checking out the modern furniture, and you start. I begin to feel hot, queasy, dizzy. Peachy and I hightail it to the car, passing on Metropolitan Market to head straight for home.
We didn't make it. 10 blocks away from my house, Peachy pulls over as I hold my hand over my mouth, not wanting to get any throw-up in her car. Luckily, I'm skilled at puking by now, thanks to you, and I manage to barf entirely outside the car.
You subjected me AND your Aunt Peach to vomit. Girls don't like vomit. Boys think it's funny - ha ha I'm gonna PUKE! BLEEEEAAACCCCHHHH! Yeah, that's a boy thing. Not a girl thing.
Your Aunt Peach was such a good friend and got me home pronto. And then, as you know, we promptly fell asleep for 2 hours.
Now I've got massive heartburn and your father won't go to the market for Haagen-Daaz vanilla ice cream, even though that's the only thing I want right now. Instead, I've had a dinner that consisted of fresh French bread and Tums.
Yummy.
So kid, sorry. But you're on the list again. You better straighten up by Friday, cuz I'm going with Peach and Mrs. Roboto for dim sum - and I want it to be a puke-free experience.
But I still love you.
xoxo Mom
