Well, here's the news.....
I haven't written in a while. You may think I'm lazy. Or forgetful.

You're right.

But I'm also pregnant.

My official announcement to the world - I'm carrying Jase's seed.

We found out last week, but both of us didn't really believe it until we went to the doctor on Friday. We went to Planned Parenthood. Before we went, I talked to Jase's mom who told me, "Don't get in the wrong line!!!"

I signed in, filled out a small form saying what my intentions would be if my test was positive (parenting, I selected), paid my $10 and then took the little dixie cup the 17 year old clerk handed me and went into the bathroom. Ahh - peeing into a dixie cup. There's no way to do it in a ladylike fashion.

I placed it in the little hole in the wall, washed my hands and went back to the waiting room to, well, wait.

Of course, Ithen did what everyone does when at a Planned Parenthood. I eavesdropped. Jase began talking to be but I shushed him, explaining I was trying to hear what that guy was talking about with the clerk who had a voice more suitable for the stage than behind the desk at Planned Parenthood.

There were two guys there by themselves. Usually, you don't see the men in there alone. So I was intrigued. I never could find out what one of them was in for - he spoke to the quiet clerk. But the other was trying to pick up the morning after pill for his girlfriend. I know this because the loud clerk called the girlfriend at home to confirm that this guy was her boyfriend and she needed the pill. That's devotion. She should keep that one. That takes some balls.

Finally, they called my name. Jase and I got up and went into this tiny room. And the 20-year-old clinic employee told us the test was positive. We all smiled and laughed. I realized it was probably a rare occurance for people to be happy to hear they are pregnant at Planned Parenthood. She pulled out the little wheel to figure out my due date and how long I've been pregnant.

Now I know this wheel is a fallacy - that it's based upon a 28-day cycle and there's no way in hell my cycle is 28 days. But I have nothing else to base it on - I never got around to charting my cycles so this is the best thing I've got.

I'm barely pregnant, folks. This may not even be a keeper. But if it is, then I'll give birth mid-December - December 16, in fact. I'm 5 weeks and 3 days. A LOT can happen in the next 7 weeks.

But it doesn't feel right not to tell everyone. So I may miscarry again - I understand that. But why should I hide it? Because it makes it hard on me, or on everyone else? I don't know - it just doesn't feel honest. So I'm blabbing. And if I miscarry, I'll blab that too.

But for some reason, I think this one is hanging on. I had my first serious bout of morning sickness today. It was a mess. Boo got sick. Jase wasn't home, so I had to clean it up, and before I knew it, I was puking in the garbage bag I just threw his puke into. And then I couldn't stop. Oh god this is gross.

I'm also psychotic. I like to get mad at Jase cuz he's a man and therefore can't get pregnant so fuck him. I cry a lot. Dude, whoever classified About Schmidt as a comedy has a sick, sick sense of humor. Bastard. I was a fucking wreck. And my boobs - oh my god, are they sore. A mild breeze sends me into a demented wailing. And I'm so tired. I slept 2 hours during my break and I'm ready to pass out again. I also tend to babble on and on and make no sense, so good luck with this and future entries.

But I'm happy. Really happy. Freaked out, but happy.

xoxo A.